Have you realized that you are in a relationship with a narcissist? It can get pretty tough and the manipulations can take a toll on your mental health. You might want to set healthy boundaries with a narcissist so that you get to keep your sanity.

Healthy Relationships

Normally, healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and care. However, the narcissist is not really capable of giving and reciprocating respect and care in their relationships.

Let’s clarify one thing—it’s not that they are not willing to do so. Narcissists truly don’t have the capacity to love or respect others. They don’t see you or hear you as a person. Instead, they only identify you as someone who can satisfy their own physical and emotional needs.

Violating Boundaries

Because of their nature, narcissists do not recognize the boundaries of other people. This is reason why they seem to be regularly violating the boundaries of others. And the worse thing is, they do so with an attitude of absolute sense of entitlement.

For example, narcissists think nothing of going through other people’s possessions without asking. They can snoop through emails and personal messages, eavesdrop on conversations, or barge into an event without invitation. If they can get stuff, they can also steal ideas with a clear conscience. Moreover, they are prone to give unwanted advice and may even dictate you how to think and feel. If you don’t follow them, you will be blacklisted as an enemy.

How to Set Boundaries with a Narcissist

It is important to recognize these annoying behaviors of a narcissist. These are violations of personally space. Now that you know, you can create healthy boundaries with the narcissist so your needs and space are respected.

Plan it out and stick with it.

If you lived your life letting others manipulate you, it’s not easy to take back control. Carefully consider your goals and the potential obstacles, especially the kind of relationship you have. Ask yourself: What are the most important changes you hope to happen? How will you enforce the new boundaries and still keep the relationship? Brainstorming can help you evaluate your options and develop a realistic plan of action.

Consider the gentle approach. 

As you know, narcissists are very sensitive and are prone to throw tantrums. Then they will use emotional reasoning to win the argument. But if preserving your relationship with the narcissist is important, you will have to be careful about it. Pointing out you were hurt by their behavior will damage their self-image of perfection.

Instead, try to deliver your message calmly and respectfully. Be as gentle as possible. Delve on how their behavior makes you feel and don’t mention about their motivations or intentions. If they get angry and defensive, remain calm and walk away if necessary. Remember, there is no winning an argument with a narcissist. So just go back to the discussion at another time.

Set a boundary you’re willing to keep. 

As sure as day, the narcissist will rebel against the new boundaries. They will also test your limits, so be prepared for any consequences. Don’t try to make adjustments on the boundaries you made because if you back down, they will pounce on your lack of conviction. Then you will have to go through the process all over again. Assuming you still get the chance.

Prepare for changes in the relationship. 

The narcissist seeks control. So naturally, he will feel threatened and upset by your attempts to take control of your life. With that, they make other demands in the relationship. Or they may distance themselves to punish you or attempt to manipulate you into giving up the boundaries. If you want changes to happen, you have stand firm and even have to endure the backlash.

Enduring the consequences.

I have stepped up against my narcissistic mother and protected my family. She has distanced herself from me and is telling people lies about me. Thankfully, I have support from my understanding husband and relatives. I am also taking antidepressants. You see, my depression and anxiety has taken its toll on my health and relationship with my children. So I sought a psychiatrist who has prescribed medications and advised me to put up defenses so that I won’t get hurt anymore.

Honestly, I am still going through the process of healing and loving my mother from afar. I have long forgiven her and accepted the fact that she might never realize her personality disorder. But I am distancing myself for my sanity and also so that my children will be protected from her manipulations.

You can do it, too.

This is not easy, but you can also set up boundaries with the narcissist in your life. It is part of loving yourself. Together, we can get through this and live a life of joy and peace.

With love, Lilac Rose xoxo