For years, I suffered with mood swings and I was totally miserable. I thought I was bi-polar but was just undiagnosed. Discovering about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), I also thought that I had it and sought to change. My question now is, can narcissists change their ways?

What I learned about narcissism is that, it’s a personality disorder. Narcissists look at the world from a different perspective. It’s like having glasses, but with a different pair of lenses than everyone else.

Can Narcissists Change for the Better?

I am not sure if I am also narcissistic, but I know that I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. And I am already taking antidepressants in order to handle the stress, anxiety, and tension better.

It’s just that I felt that I was also exhibiting some of the characteristics of a narcissist. Specifically, the rage, destruction, and wanting control.

However, there’s also the other side of the coin. What if some of these traits and reactions were just influenced after growing up with a narcissistic mother?

Long story short, there have been changes in my behavior, reactions, and behavior after deciding that some things need to change. That is because of the self-awareness therapies and assessment that I had been doing. So it was really a conscious effort on my part not to throw tantrums anymore.

What the Psychiatrist Told Me

But after seeking professional help for mental health, what the psychiatrist told me blew me away. She warned me that I should accept the fact that my narcissistic mother may never change.

It was not really an ultimatum, but what she said was more for my benefit. Basically, she was telling me that I should prepare myself for the worse so that I can put up defense mechanisms. It’s supposed to help me with my reactions so that my anxiety will not be triggered when she is around.

After all, I cannot be on antidepressnts forever. I have to learn to defend myself.

Believing that Narcissists Can Change

Part of me is hopeful that narcissists can change so that reconciliation with my mother may be possible. However, it will take a lot from her and I am not sure if she is willing to do them.

Steps for a Narcissist to Change

Here are some of the things that a narcissist could possibly go through and do in order to change. However, not everyone will accept this. Heck, they may not even acknowledge that they have the disorder.

Awareness of the Situation

A narcissist can change but it has to start with awareness. They have to be made aware that they have NPD. Furthermore, there has to be acceptance of the fact that he or she has a personality disorder. More often that not, they will resist it to the point of violence.

Acceptance and Complete Remorse

After the awareness comes acceptance. The narcissist may reject the idea that they have a personality disorder. But for change to happen, the patient should be able to relate to the descriptions of narcissist and wants to change.

There should also be remorse. It only happens inside the individual so the people around may only observe it when real change happens. But once a narcissist realizes the he has NPD, he is filled with remorse for the things that he had done. If he believes that what he had been doing were all wrong, he would decide on changes to make the situation better.

Conscious Decision

With all the realizations, the narcissist has to make a decision that he or she wants to change. It is a commitment to seek therapy and also to change their mindset about themselves. They should also commit to change their behavior.

Of course, they will not be perfect. There will still be lapses in judgment, especially if they realize their disorder later on in life and their ways have already been set.

However, you will know they have changed if they know how to apologize and own up to their mistakes. You will also see them try to be better the next time.

Acting Upon the Commitment

Of course, making promises to your spouse or children would not be enough. The narcissist should accept and make the commitment to change. Additionally, the people around them should be able to observe the changes and that they are also trying. Words will never be enough. But maybe, time can tell.

Will Reconciliation Happen Between a Narcissist and a Victim?

Now the final question, is real reconciliation actually possible between a narcissist and the victim? That is something that I will discuss in the next post. Honestly, I don’t want to go through again what I had with my mother so I am staying away. At least for now.

And I will really appreciate your comments regarding this.