Self Love
What the Psychiatrist Told Me About my Narcissistic Mother
Finally, I had the courage to face my demons and seek professional help. So basically, here are what the psychiatrist told me. And for the record, I am happy that I went to her.
What the Psychiatrist Told Me
In bullet points, here are the things that the doctor told me.
The narcissist will never change.
Surprise! My narcissistic mother has her own world and her own way of doing things. It may be twisted, but that’s her world. Her truth is her reality.
Narcissists consider their children an extension of themselves.
The narcissist mother controls everyone around her. She considers her children as just offshoots of herself. Nobody can outshine her. If her children have accomplishments, these should reflect back to her as a good mom.
No treatment available for the narcissist.
And, wow, there is no treatment or medication for the narcissist. She can be guided by therapy but the personality disorder will remain. That is only if she realizes that something is wrong with her.
The empath partner is co-dependent.
Additionally, I should also accept that my empath father will always side with my mother. Like in addiction, his existence is co-dependent with my mother’s narcissism. It seems, they need each other to thrive. And that is why their marriage worked. They are perfect for each other.
Find a safe haven.
Since there is nothing I can do about them, then only thing I can do is to protect myself. I have to put up a defense so that I will not have negative reactions to her manipulations. Since we don’t live in the same house, I can easily detach myself from her. But also, maybe I should just stay away from them whenever I can.
Ignore other people.
The doctor said that there will be people who will see through my mother. But, there are people who believe her and think that I am the bad daughter. I will just have to ignore them because there’s nothing I can do about them. Plus, they’re not the kinds of people I would want in my life anyway.
Medication is an option.
The doctor explained about my symptoms. She said her diagnosis is that I have Major Depressive Disorder or MDD with mild anxiety. I have the option to fight this on my own or to be aided by medication. The medicine she gave me is an antidepressant. It’s supposedly non-addictive and renal safe, but will help the chemical imbalance in my brain.
Right now, too much stress to my brain is causing headaches and forgetfulness. I tried to do this on my own with self-help therapies, but eventually, they failed because of the triggers. Even the simplest scene in a feel-good movie can lead me to a breakdown.
The medicine also helps me sleep so when I wake up I am refreshed. It actually feels good waking up in the morning.
Not my fault.
All my life, I had been blamed for things that I didn’t do. I have fallen into the hands of a narcissistic mother who lies and manipulates. It is not my fault. My only fault would probably be if I continue to let her manipulate me.
Protect my kids.
So basically now, it has boiled down to protecting myself and my kids. It doesn’t matter now what people may say of the kind of daughter that I have become. They don’t know the whole story and the torment I have been through.
My goal now is to become a better and happier mom for my kids.
It is safe to say that medication is helping in parenting. An unstable parent might cause psychological damage on the child. This could lead to a new generation of personality disorders.
Medication stabilizes a patient’s emotions. So if you’re a parent, it helps to be consistent — specially with the rules.
The children do not need to tread lightly maybe when mom is in a bad mood. And they don’t try to get away with breaking some rules when mom is in a good mood.
Make a choice.
I will need to make life choices. The antidepressants will help me become less emotional in making difficult choices, but I should still make them. The meds are an aide, but the decisions are still with me. There should be a renewing of the mind and a changing of perspectives. Everyday, I should choose life and wellness over depression.
Note: I am classifying this post under Self Love because going to the psychiatrist is a already a step to loving myself.
23 COMMENTS
It would be tough to have a narcissistic mother, that’s for sure. I can’t even imagine. I think it’s just right to protect your kids from her, especially if she is competing with them for attention.
My wife is a therapist and would find this very interesting. I am going to show this to her. She might have inputs for your healing as well.
It is very interesting and useful that you wanted to share this concern with us. It might be useful to someone else.
Wow that’s incredibly interesting. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a relationship with a narcissist but I’ll keep this information in mind.
Those are some interesting factors. At least people would know something beforehand when they meet a narcissistic person or mother.
Sometimes, we have to distance ourselves a bit from people, including family. It sometimes is vital for health all the way around. Depression is no easy thing. It’s good that you are already taking antidepressants to manage your condition.
Being able to talk about a parent who caused us problems is the best way to work through issues. It sounds like the psych had it right.
I grew up with a narcissistic father, it was and still is very difficult to connect with him. Very insightful article, thank you.
I hope he didn’t hurt you physically.
O wow thank you for your strength in sharing this! Mental illness is something that more people need to talk about! It’s so sad that there is no treatment for narcissism. I also have a parent who is narcissistic and I have been diagnosed with depression as well.
Hi Janay! What are you doing about your situation? Care to share, too. 🙂
love that you were willing to seek help to help yourself rather than changing your mom. protecting your children is the best thing… this writing will help so many people
Thank you for the support Natasha. I surely appreciate it. 🙂
Even when children know that a narcissistic parent has a psychological disorder, they often still suffer from the damage that they cause. Everyone wants & deserves to feel unconditionally loved by their parents.
My MIL is a narcissist and its incredibly difficult. My husband has sought advice from my aunt (a psychiatrist) and she has given similar advice.
Oh, that’s a tough one… we, children of narcissist parents, know the struggles…. They love us so much, yet need to come first…
My father was somewhat of a narcissist but I do not have a relationship with him any longer. Some people definitely don’t change.
Looks like narcissistic parents make harmful impact in kids. Sorry for going through this.
This is a serious condition that many people has. I think they need someone that will always be on their side and say thing are going to be okay. It saddens me there’s no medication for this.
I agree. We thought that my mother was only bipolar at first. And now, we realize that she’s a narcissist and we can’t do anything about it. Narcissism sucks! I just wanted to say it. 🙁
My ex is borderline and so suffers from many of the same things a narcissist does. And you really do need to protect yourself and children from your mother if she is a narcissist. It is hard when you realize that you are just an extension of them in their mind.
This hurts to read…
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with being raised by a narcissistic mother…I can only imagine how difficult that is!
Thank you Alissa. Somehow, I managed to survived the tumultuous teenage years. Now, I am still here, albeit with depression and anxiety. Coping…everyday.