As a victim of a narcissistic mother, I often wonder if she ever loved me at all. And I know that for many victims, this is really a big question. Do narcissists love their spouse, family, or friends at all?

Are Narcissists Capable of Loving?

According to psychotherapist Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, CSAT, “Narcissists can love.” Before we proceed, read here about Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

With my experience with my mother, sometimes I feel it but most time I don’t. Why? Here are the reasons why I think narcissists are not capable of loving.

Narcissists are Manipulative

My mother has been responsible. She took care of the home. Our clothes were neat, the house is clean, and we were well-fed. From the outside, she is the picture of a good mom and a dependable homemaker.

However, when things don’t go her away, she loses it in a snap. She is filled with rage and becomes violent. She beats me and punishes my father. And when she’s mad, she withdraws her care as well. Where is the love in that?

Narcissists Seek Control

As what the psychiatrist told me, we the children are just like her human extensions. We are the mere saplings that shoot out from the main tree. She has to control our reactions and the outcomes of our behaviors.

She has to rule our life. And to my knowledge, love is not like that. Love allows you to grow and reach your full potential.

It is no wonder that my sibling settled down far, far away. Our mother won’t stop at nothing in order to achieve her twisted goals.

Narcissists Mostly Lie

Summing up the information gathered and the way we were treated, we can safely deduce that mother has been lying to us. She twists information, omits, or adds depending on the outcome that she wants to draw from us.

We cannot count the number of times that we have believed and even defended her. And the entire family has been harboring ill feelings towards many people, relatives included, because of her stories.

The problem is, for her, what she’s doing is not actually lying. Narcissists are just like that. They look at reality from a different perspective–one that they have spun.

Do Narcissists Love?

For me, I think that narcissists are not capable of REAL LOVE.

What I know is that, love is patient, kind, not selfish, not proud, and unconditional. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. And many more. But narcissists are selfish and only look out after themselves.

If ever they stay married, that may be because the spouse is a martyr or may also have a personality disorder. Like my father who is an empath, they have a co-dependent relationship. That’s the perfect personality fit to a malignant narcissist, which is why the marriage is still intact.

End Note

Narcissism is an all too common disorder. We all have an association with a certain kind of narcissist at one point in our lives. How we should deal with the matter is dependent on our relationship with the narcissist.

Honestly, the best course of action for me is to stay away. There is just no real reconciliation with a narcissist. Why? Because most likely, they won’t change. They believe that there is nothing wrong with their actions, therefore, there is no need to change.

On the other hand, forgiveness may be possible. It’s even easier, I believe. Just not reconciliation.

For now, the best that I can do is to love my narcissistic mother from a distance. Otherwise, she will drive me crazier that I already am. I have depression as well as anxiety and I am taking antidepressants to manage my emotions.

Do narcissists love? Make you own conclusions and please comment them below.

Note: If you are inclined to believe that you have a narcissistic mother, take this quiz.