In my previous posts, I have been sharing my thoughts on forgiving and reconciliation with a narcissist. But what about loving a narcissistic person? Is it even possible?

Loving a Narcissistic Person

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is actually quite common. After all, there are three kinds of narcissists.

So it is not really uncommon for us to have ever loved a narcissist. It could be a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a relative, or a friend. It could even be a teacher or a boss.

However, loving a narcissistic person takes so much more than just regular love. More often than not, love is misunderstood as a feeling. Maybe, it starts with emotions, but staying takes commitment. And narcissists make the commitment harder to keep because their behavior and demands.

In my case, I have given up on my narcissistic mother. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love her anymore or I have not forgiven her. However, I also have my mental health and my family to think about. So, I have set boundaries for myself and have kept my distance since then.

Loving From Afar

To protect the victim, the simple solution is to love the narcissist from afar. Like you don’t have to live with each other in the same house. It’s okay if it’s a friend or just a co-worker. You can just see each other temporarily and detach yourself as much as you can.

But there are certain instances when it can be different.

In Marriage

If it’s a spouse, many will try to convince the victim to stay in the marriage. This is especially true in families who abide after a certain faith–Christian or not. After all, we commit to the “in sickness and in health, till death do us part” bit during the wedding.

The victim’s subservient attitude, usually the wife, will keep the family intact. The victim may even strive pretend that they have a perfect family. This might be good, especially if there are children.

But this might also play out to be bad, like in my case. My father chose to stick it out with my mother. However, he brought it to the point where he had to ride on with my mother’s lies just to keep a united front. It kept her from losing it all the time. It’s tearing him apart but he made his choice and he is adamant to keep his commitment to my mother.

From the outside, they look like a sweet couple and we were a perfect family. But from the inside, I just realized that our family dynamics were abnormal and rotten.

When It’s a Parent

In cases where the child is the victim, it is much easier to move out. After all, we are expected to be independent after we reach a certain age.

When I got married in my 30s, I moved out of our house in order to live with my husband. Eventually, we built family. However, we still live in the same city as my parents.

There was even a time I considered building our house in the same lot as my parents so that I could take care of them. But even the psychiatrist laughed at the idea and said it would have been disastrous. Despite the detached house, my mother could still control and manipulate my family.

It’s just that, I never got to realize that there was something wrong with my family. Took more than 40 years for me to realize my other’s personality disorders. And it happened with just a wee bit of luck. If you are suspecting that you are a daughter of a narcissistic mother, take this quiz.

Conclusion

If you think you are a victim of a narcissist, please do seek professional help. There is no shame in going to a psychiatrist, as I have learned. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, commonly known as depression.

The doctor gave me advise and also prescribed antidepressants. It has been 20 days now and I have never felt better. I am well-rested, too.

So for now, I am loving my parents from afar. I love them, but I will stay where I am. That’s all I could afford without giving up my sanity.