A relationship with a narcissist is very hard to navigate. It’s like going through a maze with actually no exit. The best thing to do is leave but if you can’t, here are some ways you can live with the situation without losing your sanity.

Having a Relationship With a Narcissist

Degrees of a relationship with a narcissist differ. The narc could be your parent, friend, spouse, or relative. Of course, the degrees determine your position to leave. But it really depends upon you. There are cases when you can leave but there are those when you cannot.

• Related: What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

Don’t blame yourself when you are in a romantic relationship or are married to a narcissist. They could be really nice and charming at first. Anyone could easily fall for their charm. When they get what they want, that’s when they start showing their true colors. The change could be gradual but it will happen.

It would be good though if you realize your partner’s personality disorder. You can deal with it without harming yourself.

How a Narcissist Operates

Narcissists need to always deny their shortcomings, cruelties, and mistakes. This is to protect themselves from feelings of inferiority and shame. But it doesn’t end there. Oftentimes, they will project their own faults onto others.

And it is very upsetting to get blamed for something that’s not your fault. Or the narc will try to characterize you with the negative traits you don’t actually possess. That is why it is important to know that your partner is a narcissist. It may be difficult but try not to take it personally because it really isn’t about you. Check here for the Signs of Narcissism.

You might also want to read: Three Kinds of Narcissists

Tips on Staying Sane in the Relationship

If you cannot get out easily or you really have no choice, here are some tips that help keep your head in place while in a relationship with a narcissist. Furthermore, you may also want to read this: Do Narcissists Love at All?

Don’t live out the narcissist’s version of you. 

Let’s face it. Narcissists have their own twisted version of reality. That includes their views about other people. But fight the negative branding. Don’t let their shaming and blaming damage your self-esteem. Downright refuse to accept any undeserved responsibility, blame, or criticism that they haul your way. Cancel it with the spoken word and say it out loud. Let them keep the negativity.

Don’t argue with a narcissist. 

When a person is attacked, the natural instinct is to defend yourself and prove the narcissist wrong. Sorry to burst your bubble but no matter how rational you are or how sound your argument, the narcissist won’t hear or understand you.

For one, they employ emotional reasoning. So arguing your point will just escalate the situation to the point of even violence. Since you know this is a losing battle, don’t waste your effort. The best thing to do is simply tell the narcissist that you disagree with their point then move on. They will most likely throw a tantrum so stay out of the way until the waters clear.

Know and affirm yourself. 

You need a strong sense of self in order to be able to live with a narcissist. It is the best defense against the insults and projections that the narcissist will hurl at you. And oh, they really enjoy dishing out condemnations. That’s one of the most annoying narcissistic behaviors. When you are aware of your own strengths and weaknesses, you can easily shut out any unfair criticisms and labeling.

Consciously, you should reject their negative insinuations about you so that these will not affect your subconscious. You are not hindered by the narcissist’s expectations either.

Don’t wait for approval. 

Here’s the thing, you cannot possibly please a narcissist, no matter how much you try. If you do something right in their eyes, you get approval. But you know that this approval is as firm as a bamboo in the storm. Therefore, it is best to detach yourself from the narcissist’s opinion. You have to accept that even if the narcissist doesn’t approve of your choices, you are fine with it.

That was my biggest mistake—I always longed for the approval of my narcissistic mother because I didn’t know any better. My desire to please or appease her took a lot of emotional and physical expense from me. And that resulted in a long-standing battle with depression that I just only recently identified. Thankfully, it is being managed well with antidepressants.

The Best Way

The easy way out is really to get out of the toxic relationship with the narcissist. But if you can’t, these things will help. However, it will take a lot of emotional and mental strength from you. If you need professional help, don’t be ashamed to consult with a psychiatrist.