Narcissism 101
Spot the Signs of Narcissism
Signs of Narcissism
According to the DMV-5**, here are some of the signs of narcissism. Some of the symptoms may not be present in some subtypes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We will just discuss them further in the future.
1. Impaired ability to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
2. Excessively attuned to reactions of others, but only if perceived as relevant to self.
3. Over- or underestimates own effect on others.
4. Relationships largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation.
5. Mutuality constrained by little genuine interest in others’ experiences and predominance of a need for personal gain.
6. Goal-setting is based on gaining approval from others.
7. They are often unaware of their own motivations.
8. Personal standards are unreasonably high in order to see oneself as exceptional, or too low based on a sense of entitlement.
9. Exaggerated self-appraisal may be inflated or deflated, or vacillate between extremes.
10. Emotional regulation mirrors fluctuations in self-esteem.
11. Feelings of entitlement, either overt or covert.
12. Self-centeredness and condescending to others.
13. Firmly holding to the belief that one is better than others.
14. Excessive attempts to attract and be the focus of the attention of others; admiration seeking.
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5
Bingo!
Sadly, my mother hit the jackpot. All of these signs of narcissism are present in her. These have manifested in everything that she does for herself and the family throughout the years.
And I know that because I have stayed with her for 32 years. I don’t have a lot of friends, which she prefers that way, so I was at home most of the after school. While I was working, I would often find myself coming home early after office hours if I don’t have a grocery run.
I was immersed in the twisted fantasy world of a perfect family that my mother created. From the outside, we were so ideal. But inside is a daughter who attempted to take her life many times because she felt that everything is her fault.
Perverted Reality of a Narcissist
My mother has created a perverted world with their own truths. And we are all the characters. Like a director, we all had to perform according to the traits that the scriptwriter has outlined for all of us.
Unfortunately for us, she conveniently changed facts when they were not in sync with her plans and ideas. In short, she LIES. And we believed in them.
And the saddest part is, my father condoned everything. As in EVERYTHING, even with full awareness.
Lies and Manipulation
My brother and I are just realizing the fact that our lives are built on lies and manipulation. All of the things that my mother related to us about friends, family members, relatives, and situations have somehow resurfaced.
But told from a different perspective, her stories were all polar opposites. Now that we are aware of her disorder, we are not sure which parts of these stories are actually true.
But we are doing something now and moving on. This is not because of ourselves, but to protect our spouses and little ones who have also become victims of their narcissistic grandmother.
Sources:
* Barends Psychology, What is narcissistic personality disorder?, Retrieved from https://barendspsychology.com/narcissism/
**American Psychiatric Association, 18 May 2013, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition: DSM-5, USA, Retrieved from https://barendspsychology.com/narcissism/
17 COMMENTS
I guess that for the children a little narcissism is essential for the constitution of its personality but not for the older ones because it becomes a psychological problem
These are some great tips to help spot a narcissist. I think we all need to be aware of their traits and how to stop suffering under their hands.
Man, those details are quite haunting. To the point that I look to myself really.
Narcissists are so destructive. Thanks for this, sometimes it’s not obvious right away but when you look closely at someone’s behavior and realize how destructive they are, it’s hard to stand up for yourself and eliminate them from your life.
Over a period of time, very people are now able to know the actual meaning of narcissism. This post is good to make awareness to the readers. My friend’s dad is narcissist and he would never agree for the treatment. Whereas my other friend considers the narcissist word is just a funny thing.
Narcissism, posed and controlled, sometimes is also a dose of selfishness that we need, but not when it turns us into Narcissus.
Exactly. We do need to a love ourselves.
I’m so sorry you had to live through a life with a narcissistic mom, I can only imagine how utterly difficult and sad it must have been, but it’s never too late. I wish you well and I hope that you’ll be a better person because of all the things you had to go through growing up.
Being a psychologist I’ll say these are good points. However, these are mixed signs of psychopathy too.
yep, we have one in our family and its the worst when were all together!
Unfortunately, from what I’ve experienced, many of those who do have narcissistic tendencies have them because of their life beforehand. Ex: A woman grew up in a house where she was the only daughter. There were three sons, two before her and one after. She and her family lived on a farm and her mother would say from time to time how she would have liked the daughter to be another boy so they could have more help. The daughter constantly tries to win the approval of the mother, but never gets it. So when she has her own family, she loves the attention she gets because she’s finally getting it. Then her husband cheats on her and creates a new family. Now she gets the negative attention from friends, “Oh, I’m so sorry! You poor dear!” She likes that negative attention, too because it’s still attention. So she starts to create drama whenever she doesn’t feel appreciated.
It sucks, unfortunately and it makes a pattern for their children until someone breaks the pattern.
Oh my gosh Brittany. That’s a vicious cycle! 🙁
I am so sorry you had to go through that! It is becoming easier to get the information to see if you are dealing with a narcissist but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with them, does it? I am glad you are taking steps to protect yourselves now!
Yes, Dominique. Especially for my kids. My mother doesn’t see them as grandchildren but as competition. 🙁
I feel like narcissism is being talked about a lot more these days for various reasons. It’s kind of scary to think there are people like this running the world.
Sounds like my mother. Look, don’t feel bad that it took so long to recognize that your mother is narcissistic. Took me about the same time as well. I realized it when I was around 32. She had caused me to have anxiety and panic attacks, which is one of the reasons why I left the state with my then boyfriend now husband. Afterwards, I realized something was wrong with her but still didn’t know it was narcissism. I didn’t realize that until I learned more about it, around 32 years old. So now, I love from afar. Don’t let her manipulate me. And keep my visits significantly short.
Oh wow this is a good read! I wonder if I know any lol